you can't dislike things on facebook

It's incredible that you support breaching your child's privacy to attempt to get to know them. Instead of throwing away their trust, why don't you try to improve your parenting style so that "getting to know" your child doesn't involve stalking them online?

Jill, I may have a better solution to your problem.
To start off, I'm very sorry that you and your son don't have a trusting relationship. Not every teen is going to tell their parents where they are going when they are going out. Not every teen is going to tell their parents all the things they are doing when hanging out in town on a Friday night. That is a perfectly normal and healthy aspect of teenage hood that you seem to have forgotten. This is a time where your child starts to take on more responsibility and wants more independence. As a parent, it is your responsibility to give him more freedom to make his own choices and inversely to suffer the consequences of his actions.
That being said, trust is a two way street. You seem to feel like your son is hiding something from you; he no longer trusts you like he did in middle school or earlier. However, the reality may be that you are not putting enough trust in him. If you give your child more freedom and trust in their decisions then they in turn will learn to trust you. As a rule, teens do not like to hear that their parents have been looking through their Facebook. If you are asking your child to trust you then this is the exact opposite action you should take. The trust you have gained in the relationship will be lost if you do this.
Of course, it may just be easier to implant a secret GPS tracking device into their thigh to find out where they are going all the time. Both options are perfectly acceptable.

I have a good relationship with my mom even though I don't disclose everything about my life. However, if I found out that she signed onto my Facebook page (even just to find that I've liked the pages for "Barack Obama" and "Girl Scout Cookies") I'd feel uncomfortable and less willing to share other things with her. Each parent has a different parenting style, but recommending that all parents breach their children's privacy rather than work on a respectful relationship is offensive and demeaning.

For any parents looking for an actual of way getting to know their child i would try saying things like, "Hey, how are you?" or "How was has your day been? everything going allright?" or maybe "i feel like i don't quite know your friends. invite them over some more." I Mean i'm just spit-balling, but i think a relationship built on mutual trust and love is better than becoming a cyber predator to your own child in an attempt to get to know them....

Morally speaking, privacy is not an absolute right, especially when it is invoked to conceal bad behavior. Some commentors here seem to want to give a 14 year old all the privacy, read autonomy, of an adult, who supposedly knows right from wrong. I think the right to privacy has been over-rated, not to mention politicized.

As any involved parent knows, all children are different and need varying levels of supervision. Good parenting naturally provides as much supervision as dictated by the child. This is a function often of maturity, judgment, self confidence, etc. Youth, as we all, know are evolving and parenting should be active in a gentle but firm approach to evenutally 'set them free". For the "good" youth out there who need no guidance that's great, but they should realize that there are many young people who, without parental involvement during early to mid adolesence would not have evolved into productive independant adults.

Lets start with the fact that Facebook is a PUBLIC forum (not a locked diary hidden under a mattress) therefore it bears no more "privacy" than an overheard conversation in a girls bathroom.

Perhaps both parents and teens should consider that since 14-year-old brains are literally (scientifically speaking) still forming as to judgment and morals, perhaps they should NOT HAVE FACEBOOK pages on which they can (in their youthful exuberance) post things that will crash and burn their college and future employment prospects!!!
Just a thought.

Oh yeah, and I'm with those who suggest that building an actual relationship with your offspring (which starts WAY before they hit 14, and includes actual/natural consequences for rule-breaking) is a bit more useful (and positive) than snooping.

Also, from my late-parents playbook, having a wide circle of freinds who know your kids and greet them on the street tends to remind kids (when they are out and about - and tempted by the dark side) that what they are doing really isn't any secret.

We are going to hear about it.

Jim Gerhart of 101.5 radio touched on this subject this morning. A poll conducted showed that 60% of parents regularly check their children's Facebook page and have full access of pass codes etc. the study also concluded that experts in this field consider it "good parenting" to regularly monitor your child's Facebook page. On a side note, I don't consider allowing my teenager to roam around downtown on a Friday after school without any other purpose than to just hang out, good parenting. There are plenty of other places such as homes parks and other destinations other than a downtown sidewalks to meet friends. I've watched these kids run amuck downtown to the point where Baron's store limits them from access to their store.

Amen, Kris.

Thirty unsupervised teens is a recipe for disaster. Some 14 year olds have the moral training or maturity of a three year old, and the group of thirty will just as likely regress to and misbehave at that level.

Also, check out the OpEd piece by Daniel Henninger in the WSJ today: The Age of Indiscretion (http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702304811304577366050349098154.html)

... The reign of indiscretion has been a long time coming. Some say it arrived in the late 1960s or early '70s, when constraints on behavior eased. But the new age's booster rocket, the thing that finally killed discretion, was social media.

Social media of its nature is about compulsion and revelation. It empowered the already indiscreet. Some of social media's indiscretions are microscopic ("She tweeted that?"), but holding nothing back has become reflexive, and so the norm. ...